Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
