My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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