then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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