do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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