I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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