and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
