proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize