eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
