Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
