whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
