Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
