Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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