I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
