You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize