His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So here I am, sexting at work.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
