So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
