Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
