I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
