somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
