Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't deserve a penis
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
