I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
