Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
