Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize