Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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