the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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