If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Even my vagina gasped.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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