That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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