Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
