margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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