i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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