mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
