I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
