This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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