Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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