I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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