So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
