everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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