Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
