Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
