Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
