i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize