WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
