There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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