So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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