One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
