You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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