You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
