I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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