There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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