i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
