okay pat passed out under dana's car
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
