At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
