It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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