so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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