Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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