having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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