my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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