Me too!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize