Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
