U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
