My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
