I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
