You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
