This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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