So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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