the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
