tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
