There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
