I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
