I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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