Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize