There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
