some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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