oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
