You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk is a universal language darling
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
