she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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