to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Alive.
So much puke
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
