if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize