long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
