we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
