I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
