I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wear drunk well.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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