One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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