I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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