Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize