3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
