i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
