Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
