oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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