dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize