Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
