Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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