does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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