i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
