please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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