You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
